Saturday, March 10, 2007

Because I make it work.

As repeatedly publicized, I have this on-going royal rumble with weight. While that may possibly be my lifelong cancer, I don't let it mess with this lifestyle I'm consistently trying to make normal. Let's just say, I'm not your ordinary fat girl. There are numerous things I can do, that most biggies can't (indian-sitting, hand-standing, and finger-licking, to name a few). But most notably, I've always been commended for taking risks, clothing-wise, and how I tweak each get-up to suite a 200-pounder.

When I was in high school, I had always been the fat girl who can't dress. Elephant pants + baggy shirts = the black dude in me. My sexual orientation was even questioned a couple of times. Like, did I really look like a boy? I had braids!! Oh shoot. Basketball players have braids. Snoop doggy dog has braids. So... yeah, fuck, I guess I really did look like a butch. Moreover, affirming the popular myth, my kind of fashion, or lack thereof, back then was unfortunately clueless. I was too preoccupied with pool that I didn't even notice I was slowly looking like my Idol. Only with teeth.

Good thing, I got kicked out. Not that it was an event in my life I can be thankful for (although being dubbed as the "rebel" was kinda cool, ohhh, stop, shussh!!!) but it paved way for me to stick out of that exhausting bubble. I discovered that being fat isn't reason enough to stagnate my take on things, and unmodify my life. I started to LOVE shopping, picking clothes that aren't cousins of trash bags, and make total abuse of under-utilized Fat Fashion stores. But here's the thing. Despite already dressing up like a woman, my new sense of style anyhow flummoxed people who saw me everyday, especially my mom, who simply doesn't get it, and my brother, who thinks I look like a fortune teller each time I dress up.

NOTE: Picture on your left was captured while shopping, inside my fitting room. I know, who takes a picture of herself while dressing up, right? But I just thought I'd supply you with evidence. Half-naked snapshots reserved for MySpace. *wink, wink*

Silly prints, huge dangling earrings, outstretched necklaces, and long crinkle skirts make up my usually unfathomable fashion. Years of sporting the style, nobody has come up to me and complimented how I looked. Until that particular Thursday in school. It's college, nobody would care! Brittany, who has weird but cool taste in clothes herself (*mean girl syndrome* honestly, more on the weird side, but she's blonde and pretty anyway, won't hurt her one bit), proves that overused statement on a daily basis. So I braved the anticipated naysayers and ditched the common jock outfit (sweatshirt + jeans + chucks), and geared up my inner boho.

And let me tell you, I've never been SO flattered in my life.

By my professors, by classmates I don't even talk to, and even by this random woman I shared the same elevator ride with. It was such an Ugly Duckling moment. But whatever, it's been a loooooooooooong time since somebody, unrelated to me, said I looked pretty. *rosy cheeks surge* Trust me, ladies. There's nothing like that feeling of comfotably being yourself, in the superficial public, and actually be showered by overwhelming compliments.

I don't really talk fashion here, but since I'm at it, I might as well share a couple of reminders to all my ladies (and no, I'm not talking to you, sexy bitch!).

• Clothes for plus-sized women cost a lot. Wherever you go, even if you're from Bhutan, clothes for fat people, in general, are excessively expensive. So, as much as possible, stay away from the malls. They have ridiculously beautiful (and branded, but who gives a fuck about brands) stuff in there, but awfully mind-boggling price tags. You may want to try local boutiques, they offer reasonably, and you can even get a pretty good discount if you fill out a couple of carts.

• If you're the extra-extra (or even another extra) large type of biggie, don't be shy and look for that elusive 5x mark. America's obesity epidemic is severely disseminated not to have additional Xs in their dress sizes.

• Gather as much clothes as you can when you fit. It won't hurt trying all at once, while it will going back and forth. Although that's exercise, I won't encourage you to do that. Leave the sweating off the clothes. Please.

• Don't buy clothes and shoes from the internet. Period.

• Be confident. I'm not sure why I'm saying this, because I never intend to be your counselor in any way to begin with, but let me be nice for just one second... You can hear this from a lot of [mature] guys, and trust me when I say that they actually mean it (for once in their fuckin' lives, they're saying something true). Feeling like you're pretty and sexy and knowing that you're pretty AND sexy (yeah, I said it) are two different things. Go figure.

• And most importantly, assure yourself that you're beautiful. Don't dress up, wear make-up, bathe in cologne, just because you want to please your husband, boyfriend, teacher (well, some do that), etc. But do it for yourself. I won't say the inside and out thing, 'coz that's just worn, but every person's made to be beautiful. It's all up to you now to rejuvenate that inert pizazz. *snaps*


iskoo said...

kai, you really look beautiful, the second picture girl na girl ang dating mo, sosyal ika nga. nasa nagdadala lang yan talaga. sino ba ang mga sikat na celebrities na hindi naging hadlang ang timbang nila sa pagsikat, marami!

evi said...

you are not fat. you are curvaceous.

Richmond said...

I have soooooooooo many girl friends who are dying to get fat. as in they take as a compliment if I tell them they are getting fatter.

PS And they eat a lot (3 servings of rice at Mcdo)

Kai said...

Oww. Isa kang tunay na kaibigan :)

Hahaha, loveyou loveyou!!!

Dude, that's just silly. I'm dying to lose a pound!! If only fat is scientifically allowed to be donated, I'll gladly help your girlfriendsss.

bone said...

in the phil., youll find out youre not the only who takes picture of herself in a fitting room. yung iba nga group pic pa! haha.

kudos for being beautiful, kai.

yes, im back from the dead.

jassy said...

i like the bohemian style, too but I can't really wear it at work because I won't be able to move freely and rapidly.

you're right, being confident and thinking that we're beautiful helps. if you love yourself, then more people will love you. it doesn't matter if you're fat or not, what matters is that you love yourself.

Talamasca said...

Now that's the hotness right there! Dude I'm digging your attitude. Will you be my late Valentine's? Hehe. Oh and I know this dude who transformed from plus size a la Chris Farley to a totally different person... *deep breath* Now, he's a WOMAN! Ah, the wonders of cosmetic surgery! Ok retard mode ends now. Babai.

mrs. pektus said...

One thing I learned when I was pregnant, don't wear large prints.. it just makes you look more bigger.

But you know, it does not matter if your big or petite or just right.. as long as you have a good heart.. beauty will just be second best.

But if you really want to loose that pound.. you gotta have control over what you eat.

Take care!

Kai said...

And during sex? Hahaha, insane!!

Thank God you're back!!! I've been missing bits and pieces of your colorfulness. Don't leave again, or I'll bite you!

Well, I think I move way more freely when I'm in my crinkle skirts. That's the weirdo in me. Anyway, I agree. :)

Whattt? Hahaha, Chris Farley in a dress, now that's out of this world :)) But hey, thanks!

Mrs. Pektus
Oh geez. I guess I should be more keen in grabbing prints. Thanks for the tip, appreciate it!

chelsea said...

ive always been on the heavy side and ive never really cared about what other people say. most of the people at work admire me daw for being "adventurous," they actually mean my devil may care attitude when it comes to dressing up. i think even if you wear a "daster," if you exude confidence, then other people woul find you pretty. but then again, who cares about them? what matters is what you think of yerself :)

kat said... should be like, a seminar coach or something because of your words of empowerment!

you look great! i too, have a weird/funky kinda sense of style but i dress for me and no one else.

thanks for the words of encouragement.

Shari said...

Firstly, good thing you didn't say anything MEAN about Manny Pacquiao on that post about your idol. You have no idea what happened to me when I did (Talamasca does, though!). *rolls eyes* Geesh, I'm sorry to his overzealous fans, but I happen to like Efren Reyes better, and I completely agree with you that his sport requires more than what the other one does. But then, I never did like Pacman in the first place. I mean, I didn't ask him to take a beating. Rawr! Ahem. I apologize for the ranting. Can't. Help. It.

So anyway, are you talking with me? LOL! Although I've never really blamed my weight for anything (I blame the society more. I mean, what's the beauty and sexy standard for?!), I sometimes feel like a letdown because of it. I've never been into fashion - no interest, no will - so there's that!

I find it funny that your current entry is about this. I was looking at my high school pictures a couple of hours ago, couldn't stop cringing, and planning to blog about it later. Or tomorrow.

So anyway again, I know how you feel back in in high school. I was the fat girl who can't dress. I don't exactly remember my sexual orientation being questioned, but I did go through a confusion phase, if you know what I mean. And yay for being kicked out! You're the bomb! Haha!

I'm such a kuripot that I don't even know that big-sized clothes are expensive. My mother takes care of me, because she's frustrated that I don't take care of myself. I absolutely hate fitting, just because.

And oh, yes, the inevitable. You are beautiful. And sexy. I swear. Really. And if only I feel that way, I'm sure I will be. But no. *sighs* I try to do something for myself, but I really am just not interested. You know what I mean? And I think before everything else, I've got to have even a spark of "inspiration" from somewhere, wherever that is.

Yeah, I like to complain, but I don't really do anything about it. I've always had this thinking that if other people can't accept me, it's their loss. Eek, now that's overconfidence! Haha! ;)

Attitude? Check. Meanness? Check. Intelligence? So-so. Self-confidence?

Uhm, I think I gotta pee.

tani said...

i do that all the time in fitting rooms... take pictures of myself with my cp... :)

Kai said...

Amen, sister!

Motivational speaker? Hahaha, remotely not what I was gunning for, but thanks anyway. I suppose that's a compliment. ;)

1. I think I got one person to talk trash about Efren and defend his boy Manny in that certain post, but I got the better response. Who cares, their idol is a self-centered try-hard. Efren still rules! :))

2. I don't blame anything, anybody too about this baggage, but at the same time I can't help but be vacuumed into that superficial environment. As much as I deviate myself in many ways, the society still has something to say about bigger people. And I can't really change that, much less, blame them for their bigotry or opinion, because they have the right to feel a certain way. But you're right. It's wrong, and they suck ass for that.

3. See? The only positive thing about that rebellious past. People think it's COOL. Haha, but it wasn't cool being sidelined for three years. I just got fatter!

4. Lastly, THANK YOU for the words. I really think you should start idolizing me now though. Haha, I mean, be confident! You're pretty, smart, and entertaining! What's crippling you? Snap it!! :D

Haha, glad to know it isn't abnormal.

Vayie said...

Almost anyone I know had their own perpetual battle with weight. In my case, as you know, I'm really thin (eversince this whole-Makati Med-confinement-episode, I lost a hard-earned 12 lbs! - the last time I checked, I am at 100 lbs at 5'7"). Now, a lot of people now would give me this "look" when they see me as if I'm dying of some disease when they knew for a fact that I've always been paper-thin (so what is there to be surprised, right?) I'm also in that "ugly Duckling" moment (like you said).

But then again, screw them all.

In your case, you are far better than those girls with a "to-die-for" Vital Stats because...girl, YOU CAN OUTSMART `EM ALL!

Kai said...

Exactly! Thanks. :)