Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ermm, politely frank?

If anything in my life has significantly changed over the years, apart from my nicotine exit, it's gotta be my intractable exclusive-girl-school-mean-bitch-syndrome. I didn't grow up with girls mostly surrounding me, but I did hang out with mostly girls in my early years. That said, panlalait or ridiculing has been a habitual pastime for me and my peers. And having a mom who's just as leniently direct rather tolerated my hostile tongue.

In that particular part of the intermediate community, mockery, sarcasm, and panlalait are altogether their 3rd language. You can ask anybody who hail from Poveda, MC, SPC, etc., and I guarantee you, they'd absolutely agree. Maybe because boys weren't obviously around that they had to keep themselves entertained by making fun of the other girls. I still don't know. But although it was somewhat fun, I knew it had to eventually change.

And since I've already put that negative trait in perspective, I'm now in the process of learning how to politely say something unpleasant to people. I know, still sounds bad, but trust me, my intentions are better than that.

For instance, I've got this friend who bought a Paris Hilton perfume, and I think it smells like shit. How can I tell him that it smells awful in a way that he'd never get offended? Should I go, "man, that just stinks!", or "I can't believe you bought this over the Britney one"? Apparently, I'm still in the midst of unattaching my character to that mean girl syndrome, therefore, I can't believe I'm having such a hard time figuring out this simple "dude, you smell incredibly bad" predicament.

And before I get sued or anything, the Paris Hilton perfume situation is just a concrete example. But you know what I mean. It's simply a mere situation when you want to tell a good friend that his new haircut looks like a horrible version of Garth Algar's... and of course, the dilemma that inescapably comes with it.

Honestly, it's just one of the million things trapped in my mouth that I would want to lay all out in the future. But I don't know how! It's not a self-centered gesture though, right? Or is it? I just thought it'd be nice if I could be my old forthright self again, just with a little bit more tact and ethics this time. If I may sound like an inconsiderate narcissistic bitch, I apologize. That's far off what I'm gunning for. Nobody's perfect, who is? But as someone who exists in the same air as my pals breathe in, I can only have nothing but good intentions of sincerely just wanting them to look, smell, speak, think and feel better about themselves.

16 comments:

Felicity said...

I really love your blog, you express yourself so meticulate.

cruise said...

Good thing is now you are handling the situation better, politely saying something unpleasant to people. specially if they are your friends you need to tell them the truth (correct them) without offending them.

tin-tin said...

tell him.. i don't really like the smell of the paris hilton perfume :)

jassy said...

hey, i think i'm gonna buy grey's anatomy dvd collection (in quiapo of course :)

It's better to be honest to your friends. And it takes practice, I guess, to learn how to say the truth in a nice way. And even if the truth hurts, your friends will understand in the end.

Kai said...

Felicity
Aw, thank you so much!

Cruise
Yeps! Thanks.

Tin-tin
Haha, glad I'm not alone. =p

Jaz
You're gonna love it. That's what fears me, I hate to be hurting their feelings. Anyhow, I'll find my way around. Thanks!

bone said...

get what you mean, kai. as ive told uou before, im also frank.. bet you have experienced having said something and then as soon as you finished your sentence you start hearing whispers from inside you saying: shit. was i really supposed to say that? or something similar.

girl am i glad the url you used for SPC is Pasig's haha coz Im from SPC qc! but of course, its not SPC anymore. its already SPU. =P

charles ravndal said...

My mom is the epitome of a mean girl. She really tells you right away in your face and she loves some scandal. I think I also got something from her as well.

shai said...

even i, don't like the smell of paris hilton perfume...forever na ko sa mga pa sweet na perfumes like ralph and coolwater, kasi pa sweet din ako..hehehe

bakla at least now, you try to find a way to make the panlalait not that brutal di ba? dalaga ka na =p

iskoo said...

haha magpabango ka ng mabango damihan mo tapos tabihan mo siya para masapawan yung di magandang amoy ng pabango nya, hehehe. joke

RennyBA said...

Actually my wife and I are watching Grey's Anatomy right now - so it's on in Norway too:-)
I just love your way of writing, your thoughts and idea - a great, readable blog - thanks for sharing!
Btw: thanks for your nice comments on my wife's guest post about her Norwegian montian experience - the second one is up.

Anonymous said...

Hello Kai..ü
Gosh. The reason why most of my friends are boys and why I prefer hanging out with boys.. you've pointed it out in this entry.ö I've to admit, girls can be really mean most of the time. Hehe. Hope all's well with you! Take care Kai.ü

{russ.™}

ish said...

hahaha! sabihin mo "amoy tinapay cologne mo, amoy putok!" hehehe.. hello kai! im back..:)

Debbie said...

it's hard to tell the truth to people...esp if you know that they'll get offended by it. i admire your personality though, coz i'm the total opposite. i can't seem to tell the truth to people, i mean whenever it comes to stating my real opinion and it contradicts with theirs.

anyway, if your frank, that's you.i don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as your intentions aren't panlalait. i think it'll show if panlalait vs constructive criciticisms...it's how you say it i guess. it's the art of being frank...hehe whatever that means!

elaine said...

awww, ang ganda ng new layout mo! i plan on watching grey's anatomy during the sembreak. hehe.

anyway, it's really hard to tell when you're bordering on rude/offensive talaga. i have the same problem, because i'm usually vocal, especially with friends. i think it has to do more with who you're talking to. if you're friends, s/he might understand you. if not, apologize. you might have to watch it with other people though.

at least that's what i think. :)

Kai said...

Bone
Does SPCQ have high school? I didn't know, haha. Anyway, of course there's always that certain guilt feeling, but it naturally comes with being frank, unless it comes from a ruthless person, hehe.

Charles
Oh, I'm frank, but I hate scandals. I've been to a few confrontations myself, and should I say, I handle those kind of situations rather well. I think your mom and I are the alike on that one.

Shai
Opkors! =p

Iskoo
Hahahahaha, nice tip!

Rennyba
Aw, thank you so much. Means a lot. I will check out your blog in a jiffy, and I really enjoyed Diane's stories. And you'll definitely love Grey's Anatomy. It's the best show I've seen in years. =)

Russ
Haha, I know. Girls just love drama. Lol.

Ish
Sobrang pranka naman ata niyan, haha!

Debbie
Ugh, if you only know. I'd rather shut the hell up, but you know, it's not in my thoughts to be cruella, it's just that I'm openly honest in a way that I'd like to sound helpful, rather than insulting. I admire your being discreet. I wish I was that way instead, hehe.

Elaine
Thanks, dear! =)

Laureen said...

i'm pretty frank myself. my bf has actually asked me to just stay pranka so we could resolve our problems more easily...i guess it works for me then, hehe.

but sometimes, it's really hard to be completely frank especially when the truth is a tad bit insulting. i like britney's perfume scent, too, but i've never gotten a whiff of paris's so i can't relate. have you suggested to your friend that it was probably a better idea to have purchased britney's instead, and then say "coz it smells so much better" hehe.