Sunday, July 30, 2006

I want to be made!

Quote (not exact) from the MTV show Made, episode Girly Girl.
Cosmo coach gives boyish girl her task for the day...
Boyish girl: Oh fuck!
Cosmo coach: Oh my God! You just didn't curse.
Boyish girl: What, it's just an expression!
Cosmo coach: You can always say fudge!

Fudge? What the fudge? Err, doesn't sound good... Aside from being a professional athlete, another half of my biggest frustration is to actually be a girly girl. For reals. Well, I do make-up, yes. I try. But I can only sigh whenever I see young pretty girls walk by me with such a posture, a demure aura that can easily turn heads. Not that I'm aiming for that kind of charisma, but I just want to be a girly girl even in the littlest way possible... emotionally, physically, and ethically.

Today, going to church, I once again attempted a style. I wore this pink blouse that had been stuck in my closet for the past couple of years, matched it with a pair of black slacks, some pearl earrings with necklace to make me look expensive, and a pair of one-inched heeled sandals. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a lady. A grown up one at that. But not even half way through the mass, my feet were already itching due to the edge of them damn sandals. I swore not to wear them ever again. I'm pathetic.

Not only do I poorly execute femininity in the way I present myself physically, but as well as how I control my emotions and the way I act around people. Honestly, my piehole is almost unfiltered. In a house centered by democracy, I have the power to blurt out what I feel is needed to be said. Derogatoriness may be inevitable. Well, it is. So I can totally relate to the quoted above. A friend of mine once asked me, "what do you get from cussing everytime you feel like crap?" I replied, "it's my own little way of venting, unless you wanted me to charge you". See? I am far from being the girly girl I want me to be.

I don't think I'm at a worst-case-scenario (yet). I'm wearing boho skirts, so I think that's at least, a girly thing. This is tough though. I have now to start controlling my eating habits in the Chinese buffet, walk like a shiny plastic, and talk like I'm from Laguna Beach. Fuck, that's suicide! I think this takes serious rehabilitation.

15 comments:

Jaz said...

You're having difficulties already even with just 1-inch heels? Girl, looks like you need a lot of work, haha.

If you were back here in 'Pinas, I could help you with a thing or two about sashaying gracefully down the walkway in even 4-inch heels....that is, of course, considering that I was a volley & a softball player & a not-so girly-girl back then =)

But doncha worry, you'll get your own sense of style one of these days. It doesn't really have to be all skirts & heels to look and feel womanly, you know =)

Amery Celiza said...

kai! glad to be back! so many stories to be posted on my blog and i *still* can't find the time. I really like your one tree hill feeling thingamabobs...kaya lang, it makes me remember thati can't watch OTH tomorrow because our TV's busted. Bad trip, no? Anywho, will post more soon. and thanks for welcoming me back. :D

Laurene said...

fudge? now that i tried saying it, it does sound good.

grool. i mean, cool, but i started saying great. haha. mean girl. =)

tc ate kai!

Debbie said...

i dont know about walking like the plastics or talking like you're from laguna beach but i know that whatever you have going right now is much, much more better than what you're aspiring to be. i also hate it when i'm wearing heels but i can't deny the fact that a woman looks more feminine and sexy in it. i guess it takes a little getting used to. and i don't think you need tips for make up, i saw a pic of you with make up and it's just lovely. so keep it up...

Kai said...

Jaz
Oh my, I would love to have you as my 'made' coach. I think I need more work than you think, haha. Yeah, and I agree. It's not just about how I look. (:

Amz
Glad to see you back, darling!

Laurene
So fetch. Haha!

Deb
Ano ba, Deb? You seriously think I would talk like the Laguna Beach kids? Lol. That was just me, being my natural playful kind. They annoy me, let alone the way they talk. I just figured that you know, yung arte nila, super girly-girl. Ow, shoot! What pic? Haha, thanks, Deb! I can only try and get better at it. (:

Vayie said...

Being a girly girl is just a matter of choice. There are times that I feel like it, and sometimes I just loathe it. What's important is you're being true to yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin! If you cuss like crazy at the slightest provocation...so be it! If that's how you whine and rant, Go girl!

charles ravndal said...

Hahaha so you hate to be a girly girl? I always think that in my past I was a girl similar to Elle Woods in Legally Blonde heheheheheh.

In terms of cussing, I cuss in Norwegian these days instead of the usual shit and fuck!

Kai said...

Vayie
You know what, you're right. Fuck it! Salamat. (:

Chas
Ako naman ata, I was a hot headed pro football player, minus the steroids, hahaha.

charles ravndal said...

Really? That is cool! I used to play football. I am a quarterback in flag football and a goalie on european football.

Hey do you happen to have a YM òr MSN?

Debbie said...

ya i know what you mean. they annoy the hell out of me too..like, um, like you knowhaha can't even say something straight without saying like. ya i know, it's just nice to watch how girly they act and dress. they seem to put their clothes and hair together perfectly. well yan ang nagagawa ng pera...hehe

i saw it on your myspace account.

Kai said...

Chas
Yeps, I have both. I'll email you my YM.

Deb
Korek. Actually they sometimes look cheap, but entertaining, nonetheless. Hehe.

bone said...

haha.. i -- someone who has a fashion sense that sucks -- totally get where youre coming from.. geez.. but you know, you worrying about it is, i think, more than one girly girl point! so there, youre girly girl in your own way.. pero hey, pag may tip ka nang nakuha about make-up, dressing up or whatever girlie stuff, update me! hehe

Laureen said...

the F word (man, i'm so prim & proper daw. haha.) hasn't been in my vocabulary until recently when i get totally frustrated & i mutter it under my breath, lest i get in trouble when the 'rents hear me. when the feel the urge to say something out loud, I go "CRAP!" or "friggin."

but i'm no girl-girl either. my Kuya even tells me that i should get more fashion sense & learn how to dress up like a "real" girl. but my style is more of a baby tee & flared jeans kind, no frilly blouses & a million baubles.

as long as we're being true to ourselves, people shouldn't really care if we're acting/looking/feeling/talking like our female model-y counterparts.

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