Friday, August 18, 2006

I'm supposed to be strong.

In the event you find out that this one person, who you know/knew will be by you until your last days on this motherfuckin' planet, categorically hates you, and you're absolutely unaware of it all along... how are you supposed to react and assuringly bounce back from it?

You cry?

Scream?

You fuckin' curse?

I honestly don't know.

When I got my heart markedly broken the first time, I was in a friend's house, porking out on a can of Selecta, which anyhow made me feel better. There's actually some left over ice cream in the fridge, but mother will kill me if she doesn't find a dessert before she goes to work later. What do I do? I feel like Jennifer (of Sa Piling Mo) who habitually sneaks out late at night, only to get attacked by her excessively suspicious husband. The shock value, and the furious anxiety. It sucks so bad! I seriously need something to cool me down. At quarter past 3 in the fuckin' morning. I wish I can easily drive thru DQ. Walmart. Or something.

I hate to be a Drama queen. That's the last thing I would want people to call me. But if you think that I'm starting to become one, then fine. Maybe I deserve it. After all, life has been quite uneasy for me. All I've prayed for was to die blissfully, and I can't believe that even this ultimate wish now may never be granted. Because certain people just hate me (to fuckin' pieces). Even those who I least expected to hold vicious grudge against me. A free cookie to anybody that can give me something more depressing than that.

I'm doomed. I can only cry myself to sleep. Poor girl. Can do nothing but whimper.

6 comments:

Jaz said...

i think i can relate to that. it's tough having someone you trust turn against you. so cry, let it out if you must, but hey, don't dwell in those feelings, k?

go get some selecta, dear, if that'll make you feel better :) you know, if you were only here in pinas, i'd get you a big bowl of san-dosenang halo-halo, or that one from the Manila Peninsula! hmm...perhaps i can have it sent to your place na lang for now? *lol*

hope you feel better soon. here's my *hugs* to last you for the meantime =)

bone said...

hey kai.
betrayal is something we experience in life more than once so dont let it bring you down.. trust me, whatever happened at 3am -- it will only make you a better person.. a stronger one.
but for now, cry, if you feel like it. cry if you have to.. there's nothing wrong with crying. but feel better later, okay? *hugs*

ps.
if someone hates you. its bec. she/he wants [but cannot] to be you.

Laureen said...

it sucks when someone you trusts suddenly turns their back on you, especially when you didn't see it coming.

There's just one thing we can do - and that's to be strong. you said it yourself. there's always karma for those who hate with no apparent reason.

cheer up now, girl. hope you'll better soon. *hugs*

Kai said...

Jaz
If I were only there, girl. I'd ask you to drive for me, since I must be crying like a newborn, and we'd proceed to Manila Penn for some freshies. Haaay, hanggang pangarap na lang ako. Send me some Selecta! Hahaha. Thanks, Jaz! *hugs back*

Bone
As a certain 90s song goes... "I can't cry hard enough". *sigh* Thanks, Bone. You're definitely right.

Laureen
Thank you, girlfriend! True. Karma's a big bitch! *hugs*

Vayie said...

I can't help but laugh when you said you're like Jennifer in Sa Piling Mo that you even find reference from it on what's happening to your life.

Sis, there's a drama queen in all of us! Ü

Kai said...

Vayie
That's ok, sweetie. You know me, I still try to insert a pinch of humor even in the suckiest days of my time here on earth. It's my own little way of keeping it together. And just like Jennifer (again), I think I'm officially a drama queen. Of some sorts. Not entirely. Hahaha. Thanks, Vayie! (: