Saturday, August 26, 2006

It's just numbers, dude.

How do you tell a friend that the person she longs for is full of bullshit? Quite a challenge, yeah?

Story starts when I had the time to talk to a good friend recently, whom I haven't been in touch with for a long time. Expectedly, we had an awesome time catching up, anecdotes from present in-ring romances to our friends getting impregnated one by one. But this certain topic that dominated our chatter was regarding her situation with her boyfriend slash ex-boyfriend of which I firmly condemn. I know, not my business, but as the intrusive friend that I am, I felt I needed to enlighten her of what could be the internal wreckage that currently centers their relationship.

Before I go any further, I don't infringe the confidentiality within the people involved by not saying their names, and how and when I met them. I'm only relaying to you circumstances that you may figure a relevance with. And in true Elle Woods fashion... I have a point, I promise.

To cut the long story short, the real situation is this... They broke up after a 2 year old relationship largely because of the guy's immutable playful nature that had been excessive and redundant, resultantly provoking the girl to end it completely. Of course, I liked what she did, it's a woman's job to dump, but supposedly, guy is trying to win her back, with innumerrable tactics, to say the least. Fine, it's totally lucid, moving on from somebody you've been canoodling with for 2 years is not a piece of cake. However, how can you be sure that he's finally sincere this time? In our small talk, she was trying to say that she wants to give him YET another try. I was just like, "seriously??". I was guilelessly astounded. Like, are you dumb or something? Well, sure, she still loves him yadda yadda yadda, but why? If a guy doesn't take your commitment earnestly, once, twice, thrice... dude, it's about time to give him back to his momma.

You might say I may be a little too inconsiderate, but I'm a woman too, and I believe I know how it feels like. It's just not about letting go, it's also about retaining a little pride to yourself. Girls are not video games. That when you get corpsed on the first stage, you can turn the machine off and just try to get passed it another day. Same old shit over and over again. It should be tiring, yeah? Hence I'm intensely perplexed about her standpoint in this. I don't know what that guy fed my friend, but she seriously needs some rehabbing of some sorts. You know what, when I asked her what keeps her from conclusively unattaching herself, she simply replied, "sayang ang two years, e!". You can only imagine the words that raced out my spaghetti hole. It's only numbers, dude!


vaNINski said...

Kung sa bisaya pa, "GUGMANG GI-ATAY!"

Being the feminist that I am, I'd say your girlfriend needs some serious tweaking. But whaddawe know? It could be love on her part. And maybe we can be a little considerate. But if the boy won't try to be a gentleman to his princess... Then it's only numbers dude!

enjoyed reading your entries by the way. ^_^

Kai said...

Loving the person is one thing, but being naive is another. I just couldn't stand her vulnerability in this kind of situation, that's why I'm eagerly pushing her to do what her mind tells her to do, for once. Besides, I know that particular guy in a great level, he's a player, not that good looking to begin with. Mean girl syndrome, haha, but seriously, he's not the last testosteroned human being in the world. Moving on can only bring her better days. Thanks, by the way. (:

Vayie said...

Well, I know your friend might have gone real bonkers over the man. That's pretty obvious.

What I hate most about this is that she would come to you and cry her heart out but would go back in a heartbeat in the arms of the same person.

So, I guess what we could only do in situations like these (trust me, I've been a sponge of a number of friends with the same problem) is give our advice, not to force it to her (coz I don't think it would even penetrate, really.) The next time she cries again...Ignore her. And I do mean ignore her.

charles ravndal said...

Well, that is true. It is only numbers what real matters is the time you spent each other without thinking how long the relationship was on or lasted

Kai said...

You know what, you're right. I can be exceedingly protective of a friend that even my own system gets bothered by their crapmance. I'll probably ignore her yakking, but I'm really hoping she doesn't become desperate all the way for this gago.

Love and respect are the only important things in a relationship, regardless of the span of time you've been together.

ice_edge said...

Saying "sayang yung two years" cannot be classified as carbon-based logic; I can't see the reason behind her prerogative of sticking with the guy. By all means, intrude. The girl needs a serious wake-up call.

Laureen said...

two years isn't really THAT long compared to those other relationships out there, but we can't really blame your friend if she really wants to take her ex-boyfriend back.

at this point, all you really can do is give advice and cross your fingers that she doesn't get hurt again. because, after all, it still is her life. but if heaven forbid, she does get burned, then control yourself from saying "I told you so." ;) hopefully your friend realizes the situation before it comes to that.

ish said...

kakainis kasi kung puro hinayang eh. u dont love the person out of that, matagal nga kayo pero he treats you like dirt naman. ano kaya yun?

yayam said...

yep, numbers lang yan..sigurado ba xa na may na-feel ang guy sa kanya sa dalawang taon nilang pagsasama?? hehe. :p anyway, it's her problem..

have a great week kai. :)

chEr said...

waaah magising na sana sya.. enough is enough.. ang hirap na siguro paniwalaan ng guy..

hirap lang pag in love, lahat paniniwalaan ang gustong paniwalaan, wag lang mawala yun mahal nya :(

Jaz said...

if i were you, i would've probably rolled up some newspapers and whacked her in the head with it! *lol*

charles ravndal said...

Yeah. Love and respect and also trust.

sorbetera said...

Maybe what she meant was that she has invested too much on the relationship to give it all up. But even with that, if the cheating and the lying is too blatant, I don't think there is any available way to remedy it but to end it completely lest she remains to be the fool that she is unconsciously being. I hope she thinks beyond the numbers and realizes that 2 years is absolutely NOTHING compared to a LIFETIME of regret.. it's just not worth it.

Debbie said...

wow i had/have the same situation with a friend. the guy cheated on her twice and even a few more instances unknown to her. they broke up and i told her that he wasn't really the right guy for her, she knows exactly where i stand. i don't personally hate the guy i hate what he did, and she knows it. a few months since i moved here, she was calling for advise...and i still have the same word for her...lose the guy! to make it short, they made up, yet again! and now he PROPOSED..and are getting married on next year.

i didnt have to tell her what a big mistake she's making because it's her life and she already made up her mind. i wouldnt be surprise if they go through the whole cheating phase all over again. i guess as a friend all you have to do is to support her whichever way you can because i've said what i think is right, the rest is her decision.

hay...i just dont know. some women get so attached that their sense of self-worth is clouded by their wanting to SAVE the relationship and the good times they had. i don't get it either. how can you still love someone who did not only cheat on you once but twice or thrice? i know i can speak for myself, i had a serious bf once, the minute i knew there was another girl, it's bye-bye for him and his crap!

Kai said...

I'd love to hit her in the head, but I don't think I'm enough for her to oppose her feelings. And I'm really tired of being a sponge to a friend, that's not my only purpose in the world.

What do you do though is she repeatedly gets burned? Ignore her to death?


Don't you just hate it when other people's problem suddenly becomes yours? I actually let this happen, now I can't get it out of my system. I hate that I rhyme too, haha!

That's the thing about us women. We tend to be the dumbest person just for the sake of "love". But I beg to differ, I hate being vulnerable, hence my belligerent approach to situations like this, especially when men consciously treat us like crap.

Kai said...

Hahahaha! Panalo ka talaga, sis!

Indeed. (:

Perfect! I hope I can directly tell her what you just said. But I'm afraid I'd have to let her be stupid, or I'd be insanely captured by her own catastrophe. I already did what I'm tasked to do as a friend, I can't do anymore.

You know what, Deb, I'm so glad there are still women left in this world who have the same outlook as me. I don't really have a problem with girls swooning over their boyfriends for all it's worth, however, if you're already being treated like shit, and you still slave yourself for his own welfare, then you're seriously crazy, right? I'm completely different though, like you, if and when I discover the guy is not once loyal to me, then screw him, it's over. Because if he could do it once, he can do it twice, thrice, so on, so forth. And I'm remotely not the kind of girl who's lenient enough to tolerate his ego. I hope my friend wakes up one day having my guts because I just feel extremely sorry for her.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kai!! wasup girl? long time no talk!!! we should really catch up soon, i'm online on AIM and MSN very often so anytime you're on just hit me up ok???
thanks for dropping by my site. miss ya girl!!


Kai said...

Girrrrrl! I miss you bunches!!!